Healing Handcrafting


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Monday’s Musings~ Creativity and Defining Self

I spend a lot of time thinking about how we become more of ourselves in the way that Murray Bowen defined as differentiation. Simply put, differentiation is about how well we can hold on to our own thinking, even in the face of group pressure, others’ reactivity, and our own anxiety that arises in relation to these things. The better we are at regulating ourselves, the more flexible we are, and capable of maintaining equilibrium in a variety of circumstances. Conversely, the more anxious we are or become as a result of some emotional group process unfolding, the more we make decisions from a highly emotional place. Or, we find ourselves fully swimming in the waters of emotional process, and our decisions cannot be distinguished from those of the group.

Efforts to define self at any given time are the building blocks that help us develop a more differentiated stance in the world (and therefore less fused with the intensity of whatever system we are within). Checking in on, and keeping track of, what we think on any given topic is one way of doing this. For example, as I raise my kids, who are both teenagers now, I can defer to others and find out what they say is the right way to raise a kid and follow their prescription for how to do it, or I can think something like, “what is important to me as I parent my children through their teens, and how do I view my role in their journey towards adulthood?” And I think on it. And I answer the questions. Some of my answers might be informed by information I garner from people whose opinions I value. But first, they are run through the filter of my intellect. What do I think about what they think?

I’d love to say that I am able to do this all the time, but news flash: I’m a reactive person who’s been working on myself for years, and my success rate of defining my own thinking to myself before reacting to something is… well… it depends on the circumstances!

Anyway, this is where the bridge to my thinking on creativity appears on the map of my journey in this life. I think that by tending to our own creativity, we are greasing the gears of differentiation.

Here’s why:

Creativity involves having the spark of an idea. Anything new, innovative, functional, delicious, beautifully made or arranged, etc., happened because someone, somewhere, had an idea. And it didn’t end there. The idea became an action. “What if I do this?” became… “Check this out!” Suddenly, we had sculpted pots to hold things, woven or sewn materials to warm, adorn, protect, sail, contain, and tools to carve, cut, and shape… that spark of an idea is the seed of all that we have, for better or worse.

I see micro-expressions of this very thing in my own creative practice and in the conversations I have with other makers. As a weaver, I must make so many little choices, so many nuanced moves, adjustments, decisions. Each one is an articulation of an idea, an opinion, a preference. And while I learn from incredible teachers, like Rebecca Mezoff and Elizabeth Buckley, I also have to assimilate their teachings into my own mind and decision-making process. I think that when we have these opportunities in our lives to articulate choice and preference, we have ever more chance to articulate ourselves back to ourselves and to others! It’s amazing.

Why is this important? Because we all need to be doing our best thinking. Really, we should be trying to do this all the time, but especially if we are living in places that are in turmoil. The likelihood of losing track of our own critical thinking and judgment in the face of high intensity societal emotional process is increased. The more we are aware of this, the more we can keep our hands on the steering wheel of our own decisions, lives, and futures.

The more we know our own minds and tend to the sparks of our ideas, the more engaged we will be as a whole self.

And, the more of a whole self we are, the more choice we will have.

Bowen Theory Information:

https://www.thebowencenter.org/societal-emotional-process

https://www.vermontcenterforfamilystudies.org


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Monday’s Musings~ We Create While Living Within

Where to begin, I don’t know. There’s so much happening right now in our country (I live in the US) and in our world. Like many people I know, I’ve been working hard to find my bearings on ground that is rocking, shifting, cracking. It’s been disorienting and personally extraordinarily upsetting. The recklessness with which the potus and his posse are thrashing about in their positions of power, pushing themselves into spaces with no ounce of decorum or respect for people or institutions is profoundly disturbing on a level that’s been hard to assimilate on the daily. Damn near impossible. It’s also felt completely impossible to write about handcrafting on it’s own, as if my relationship with creativity is separate from my experience of being a human on the planet. So, I’m not going to try to separate these things from each other.

Most of us knitters, crocheters, weavers, know about sitting with a basket of tangled up balls and skeins of yarn. It’s a commitment to sit with the basket of threads, and calmly pull, disentangle, wrap, sort and save this most important ingredient for making. We don’t just throw away the yarn because it’s too hard to clean up. We commit to cleaning up the mess we created by not being mindful enough as we used our most prized resource.

This is where we are.

In no particular order, I’ll share some things I’ve been thinking about lately. Maybe these thoughts will resonate with you. Maybe you’ll disagree with some of them. Maybe all. That’s okay. We need to be able to engage in civil discourse to straighten up this tangled mess. I’ll love to hear about your thoughts, too, as you navigate this complex world we live in.

~ I think the way I feel now with the current administration in the White House is making me feel distress to a health impacting level, and this is something I’m addressing. I think this is how others have felt when democrats were in the presidential seat, and especially when dems had control of the House and Senate. This got me thinking about how terrible it is that our country is so divided and manipulated, that many of us feel distressed enough and unsafe enough when “the other side is in power” that we are driven to distraction. This has created such a powerful reality of othering that we, as a nation, are actually sick.

~ The current administration is masterful at othering. What do I mean by othering? Oxford dictionary defines “othering” as this: “to view or treat a person or group of people as intrinsically different or alien to oneself.” Humans do this all the time and in fact it is this brutal trait that has led to the worst atrocities in history. Othering lets humans hurt, use, humiliate, frighten, control, dominate, isolate, and destroy humans. All living things, in fact. When we are unconscious of the othering we do, we are swimming in the waters of destruction. When othering is paired with denial of our own darkness, we are legitimately dangerous. That is why it is so critically important to strive towards being a conscious human being, as honest with ourselves as we can possibly tolerate. When we can look at ourselves and see the truth of being human in all of its beauty and ugliness, we have far greater capacity to make reasoned choices that don’t assault another’s integrity. What we seem to be witnessing is othering paired with unconsciousness. This is a big problem. It is critical that we each do our own good thinking about how we want to treat people and how we would want to be treated if we were, for example, forced to migrate, needed medical care we couldn’t access because of government ideology, were suddenly terminated from our jobs, were punished for disagreeing with a person in power, were told we were safe and suddenly we weren’t. We have to think with our minds and our hearts. We have to dip our ladle in the well of empathy. We have to take ourselves out of us-and-them thinking, and move towards the profound and generative We.

~ We are in an abuse cycle with the current administration. When abusers have power over their victims, one of the things they do is separate them from their support structures through various means. Sometimes it’s literally through physical separation. Often it’s through relational manipulation and gaslighting. This is happening. We are actively getting separated from our world partners in ways that will have far reaching consequences. Being trapped in an abuse cycle can cause a person to lose touch with their own agency and personal power. It is very important to pay attention to your thoughts about your own agency. We all have choice, every moment of every day, around where we will put our energies and focus.

~ Pay attention to those who are in positions of power and are using them for good and are resisting the onslaught of action in the current administration. They are strong, courageous, and inspiring. I’ve been thinking a lot about the energy they will need to keep at it, and about how I might help support their efforts. How can we offer positive, encouraging energy to the folks who are looking out for all people from within their positions of power?

~ We don’t have to know the solutions to all the problems in order to have an opinion about them. This comes up a lot now and is simply a distraction. “Well, what would YOU do about immigration and the border”, for example. As if, by not having a fully vetted plan of action that is doable makes one’s opinion less valid. Don’t be silenced by that. There are countless intelligent people on this planet, all of whom bring different skills to the table, all of whom are capable of solving complex problems, especially when working together. You and I included! Do you need to know how to solve all the problems in order to view mass-deportations as intensely problematic, for example? No. Most of the issues we face as a culture are very complex and require evolution of the mind and psyche. We must continue to think creatively and from a conscious, curious, honest place. This is not being naive. It is being a participant in the artistry of life.

~ Self-care is massively important right now. I say this as someone who has been struggling. Despair started to get the best of me, but what I know is ultimately, that does nothing good. I know how to pick myself up by my bootstraps and that’s what I’m doing now. Writing here is one effort towards that end. Getting clear on my own thinking, focusing on areas I have agency over while learning about others I’ve not considered is another. I’m thinking about where I shop, what platforms I use, what organizations I want to support. I’m learning. I’m cutting out the chaff. I’m also doing things I love, like spending time with people dear to me, weaving, creating, teaching. I’m resting, getting outside more, and trying to focus on what is right in front of me. I’m reaching out for support and guidance from my mentors and guides, and they are helping me, too. A great deal. We are not meant to go life alone.

We create while living within and as a part of. We are not islands, and we are not separate. We are part of this whole thing, this whole story. It’s incredible and amazing and often overwhelming. We can only keep coming back to our center, by really asking ourselves what is most essential to us, as human beings, about being human?

Take good care,

~ bradie


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Hey. How Are You?

No really. How are you?

A friend of mine mentioned the other day that I hadn’t written here in a bit. She’s known me long enough to recognize a pattern of mine which is that I do a pretty full retreat from online things when there’s something I’m sorting out. I got to talk about the things that I’ve been chewing on, and she listened. She also said she missed seeing what I’m up to when it comes to making things. This was a beautiful nudge. Very well-rounded.

Grief, as you likely already know, takes its toll on people. As someone who’s written a lot about grief, a whole book in fact, you’d think maybe I’d know some tricks on how to navigate the experience with greater ease. But I’m here to tell you, there are no easy ways through the process. In all my writing, talking, supporting, and expressing, never once do I suggest there is a “get-through-grief-the-easy-way” option. It is simply something we must go through, feel, adapt to, and be chiseled by. Ultimately, we are charged with getting to know ourselves and others in our new form, as someone changed by what we’ve experienced.

I’ve noticed about myself that when I’m swimming in the grief waters, I need to take some steps back from those things that put me out there into the world. Certain aspects of grief make me feel like I’m a flipped over turtle, and the last thing I need in those circumstances is to feel more vulnerable during those times.

As we approach the year anniversary of when my dad died, we are also making our way through cold winter here in Vermont. In a few days, it will be February 1, Imbolc, which marks the halfway point between the Winter Solstice and the Spring Equinox. This is when, in the Northern Hemisphere, the light starts to shift and come back. Many are thinking about the seeds they’re going to start indoors in preparation for the spring plantings. The goddess Brigid is honored in her many forms. We are invited to clean our houses, set our intentions, and think about what we want to bring into fruition in the coming growing cycles.

sun snow…

I will be honoring both of these events. I feel ready for the light to come back after relishing resting in the dark.

Creative life has been full all these months. I’ve been teaching at the Shelburne Craft School, a place that has truly become a home away from home. I also have spent time with folks in my studio, supporting their weaving journey. I’m taking a tapestry weaving class with Elizabeth Buckley, all about weaving water. I am learning so much!

my first attempt to weave reflections in water… not easy, my friends. I have a ways to go, but I’m loving the class.

I have a lot of little projects going on as well, including a new daily weaving practice that has absolutely no plan, so we’ll see how it goes.

Oh, and I made some block prints…

I’m creating things for a new class I’ll be offering called Wild Weaving, where we get to blast out our creativity and impulses into the embrace of a waiting warp.

And, I’m developing an online class as part of our Weaving Your Story programming through the craft school. This is a curriculum I’ve been developing for a couple of years and has become a very important part of my life.

All amazing work to get to be doing!

I still need to finish weaving some towels so I can get started on a new installation idea that won’t let go of my imagination. That is a project I’ll be planting seeds for soon, in hopes that it will be born over the summer months. You heard it here first! It’s got ties to this piece that was in a show in South Burlington last year.

Creative energy builds when we learn how to rest in the ways we need.

That’s it for now. Thank you, dear friend, for asking for an update.


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Repost: A Moment of Balance

Happy Equinox to You~

Balance means many things to people. I’ve found that at any given time in my life, my scales are always tipped in one direction or the other, but that sought-after feeling of just being still in equilibrium is fleeting. Especially when I’m tired, struggling, weary, afraid, or grieving.

Lately, my balance has been way off. A lot of push with not enough rest, quiet, or solitude. I know this pattern well in my life and it never fails that I get sick when I’ve not adjusted the scales with enough care.

I love the invitation of this day. In the northern hemisphere, we get to think about what we have sown in our lives that we can harvest and make use of, and what should be thrown into the compost bin. What can we put to bed as we head into the time of increasing dark?

Can we let ourselves rest?

Can we let go of things that don’t serve us?

Can we let go of things we wish we had or could do but with only so much time in a day, we must come to the aching realization that some things have to remain undone, unmade, unwritten? That hurts.

And in the southern hemisphere, as you head into increasing light, what will you sow? How will you prepare yourself for what you are hoping to bring into being?

In this nature-made time of reflection, what will you be tending to?

(This is reposted from The Long Grief Journey, a website dedicated to the book I wrote with Pamela Blair. I wanted to share it here because of how precious I feel the equinox is.)


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Open Studio Weekend Oct 5 & 6!

This is my first year joining the Vermont Crafts Council Open Studio Weekend. I’ve always wanted to participate but never could get it all together at the right time. I brought my outdoor loom over today and have been polishing things up as I prepare for this event. My studio is in Loop 3 along with fellow artists in Shelburne, Richmond, Charlotte, and Hinesburg! I wish I could go to all of their studios, too!

To see what this event is all about and get your maps and figure out your routes, go the Vermont Crafts Council website here. More to come about the event in the coming weeks.


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Art Show: Interwoven

I dropped off the pieces I made for the Interwoven fiber art exhibit yesterday. Walking away from things I made was an interesting feeling I’ve not had much experience with. It was both exciting and nerve wracking! I kept turning back, looking at them laying where I left them, as though I needed to say goodbye a couple more times. Or maybe just a little more fiddling, straightening, adjusting… I think it’s because each of the pieces that will be in the show was a meditation on some issue I think about or am currently wrestling with. So really, what I was leaving in someone else’s care was the physical evidence of an emotional process.

I am delighted to be in the show with three other incredible artists. What a boon!

Here is the invitation to the Opening! If you’re in the area and have an interest in fiber art, come on down!


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You Still There? I’m Still Here.

Has it really been since March since I’ve written? I’ve been meaning to, but honestly, it’s really hard to extrovert (which in my mind includes putting parts of myself out into the world) when grieving. I’ve needed a lot of quiet, a lot of time alone, and not at all any “shoulds” where possible; just simply to have time to be in my own headspace, at least more than I typically am able. That all being said, I’ve missed writing here. I’ve come to look at this website/blog as the place that holds evidence of my thinking and ideas.

I’m grateful to you for tuning in.

Some updates: I was asked to participate in a group art show entitled Interwoven at the South Burlington Public Art Gallery , and I wholeheartedly said yes. I’d been working on some projects and it was just the impetus I needed to really focus and bring them into being. Most everything I make has to do with something I’m working out in my psyche and the pieces I made for this are no exception. Three are hand knit and three are handwoven. I’ll love to share them with you. The show’s opening is on September 11. I’ll post more about that soon.

Evidence of Significant Repair

Wearing Away

Hema Thríno

Rhythms

Winter of Our Discontent
Soil

My wooly, woven pieces are actually curtains but could also be wall hangings. I love playing with the idea of warm and bold wool being woven in an airy, light-filled way. I was in my studio yesterday and the window was open, allowing Winter of Our Discontent to flow and move and I smiled, seeing it dance just the way I’d hoped. I’ll write separately about each piece to introduce them simply and properly in the next week or two.

Also happening lately is the spinning of wool while listening to Clarissa Pinkola Estés’ The Power of the Crone. I highly recommend listening to her wonderful stories. Pairing that with spinning is like eating dark chocolate while sipping a hot coffee. Perfection.

I got to dress up for a dear friend’s beautiful event thrown to raise money to develop a space that supports deep creativity and the arts…

And I got glasses- suddenly everything looks crisp and clear again… dang, that was a slow motion slippery slope…

I played with paint and yarn…

And had a lot of my work hung at the Pierson Library in Shelburne…

And did all kinds of fibery things with the Shelburne Craft School, my home away from home…

So, now that we’re all caught up (is that ever really possible?), I’ll love to know what you’ve been working on, thinking about, gearing up to do.

Until next time…

~ bradie


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Grieving While Knowing About Grief

(this post was originally published on The Long Grief Journey website)

This year is off to a very raucous and rather painful start. I know I am not alone in feeling this way, but I wanted to share with you what has been happening because it is so relevant to the topic of this site, which is in a word, grief.

Just over three weeks ago, my father died. Six weeks to the day prior to his death, my grandmother died. In a matter of six weeks, my family lost two elders, and the reality of this is continuing to seep into my mind, heart, and bones.

Several people have asked me if the book I wrote with Pamela Blair has helped me deal with my grief. It’s been an interesting thing to think about. Going through the process of losing my dad with my family, I often thought to myself, “my god, I cannot believe how much this hurts.” There were times in the hospital as well as at my dad’s wake when I didn’t feel my feet on the ground. There were times sobs erupted from my body without warning. There was a lot of sleeplessness and anxiety.  What I realized was that knowing about grief doesn’t alter the pain of grief. But what it has done for me is to normalize my experience of it and not judge myself for anything. Steeping myself in research on grief and talking with so many people about their experience of it, I see that when we go through grief, we know it. When we listen to people who are suffering without trying to rush them to feel better, we absorb and open our hearts to humanity. We become part of the fabric of our shared experience, and it is textured, layered, real.

Our “culture” is often accused of not doing death and grief right. Collectively, we don’t talk about it enough, we keep it away from us and fear it. We try to outlive death and deny its existence. There is evidence of all of that, for sure. But I can say that going through these last couple of months, I’ve witnessed far more people getting grief than not. At my father’s wake, tons of people came and not one person said anything that made me bristle or think, “wow, they just don’t get it.” Mine and my family’s pain was held, responded to tenderly, and with deep interest and compassion. I wasn’t able to attend my grandmother’s services due to having COVID-19 but I feel sure the same energy was present for my family then.

What I do see in our culture is that capitalism and our bowing at the altar of work is a huge problem. One family member of mine had two unpaid days of bereavement for the death of a close family member. Two unpaid days. What? Is that a joke? Several others’ jobs had policies that were a little better than that and their management was very accommodating given the unbelievable losses affecting our family. But it’s important to know this: federal law does not require organizations or companies to include bereavement leave in their benefits packages. As of April 2023, only five states in the US had bereavement leave laws; three additional states had bereavement legislation efforts in the works. “As the Family and Medical Leave Act stands, bereavement is not an acceptable condition for taking unpaid leave from work.” Time minimums for bereavement leave as well as payment structures vary from state to state (or those five states that have actual bereavement laws). citation

For the rest of the country, it is up to the company or organization to determine their own bereavement policies including whether to have them at all. The typical scenario is three- to five-days leave. Sometimes these days are paid, sometimes not, sometimes a hybrid of the two. The size and financial constraints of companies obviously affect this to some degree. Also important to note, only 56% of the population works for places that even have benefit packages. What do hourly workers or those that are self-employed do when they suffer a loss or a family tragedy?

With this kind of pressure to get back to work, there is an underlying communication which is basically, “get yourself together enough to get back out there”, which for many people following the death of a loved one requires faking it. Big time. Feeling distracted, depressed, exhausted, confused, and vulnerable are very common emotional experiences following a loved one’s death, and having to fake it can make things more difficult for people. In fact, for some this is an added layer of trauma that complicates grief in the years to come.

I feel incredibly fortunate to have been in a position where I could take the time I needed to gather myself back into a place that was fit for work. I continue to be in a place where I can do what I need to do to take care of myself. But I am aware that this is not the case for many people, and that is unacceptable. I think this cultural problem of not “doing grief right” is less a human problem and more a political and economic problem.

In sharing these thoughts with you, I am channeling the energy of my dad. He had strong opinions about politics and policy. I loved talking to him about these kinds of things and often called him to get his opinion on something or his long-view perspective on issues I didn’t fully understand. I’ve gone to call him numerous times in the last couple of weeks, looking to catch up and shoot-the-breeze. I’ll miss doing that so much but hopefully he knows (and I believe he does) that I’ll keep at it and continue to advocate for what I believe in.

And if you’re reading this because you are grieving, you are not alone. I hope you are taking all the chances you can to be tender to yourself and that you hold yourself with all the compassion you would afford another person. ~ Bradie


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2024 Came Out Swinging

It’s a rainy Friday – rain in January? In Vermont?

It’s been too long since I’ve recorded here my progress and process in weaving, and there’s so many reasons for that of late. Let’s just say 2023 went out with an epic attitude problem and 2024 picked up the baton and leveled some more painful life experiences.

I’d like to acknowledge here that the person who taught me to knit, my step-grandmother who has been in my life since I was 9, passed away on January 7. Her name is Marion Bogdanski (née Trio). I remember vividly when Nanny started teaching me to knit. She was so patient and encouraging, always urging me to relax my hands and loosen my stitches so I wouldn’t have to force the knitting needle into the fabric for every new stitch. Nanny’s mother, Nana, lived with her for time. Nana was from Sicily, and I remember thinking she was amazing- little and delicate and lovely. She would sit and knit, too, me at her feet. I’d hear behind me the click, click, click of the knitting needles going so fast. I remember thinking that one day I’ll be able to knit like that. Still hasn’t happened, but those memories of learning from Nanny and Nana are precious to me and I suspect have a lot to do with how I ended up loving fiber art and craft so much. Also, I must mention that Nanny made the best pancakes ever and I will make homemade pizza and fried dough every New Year’s Eve in her memory. Doing that with Nanny on NYE are some of my favorite memories with her, as well as watching old movies, listening to her stories, playing cards, and getting cooking tips. So many times when I’d need to make something good, I’d call Nanny and ask, how do you do this or that, and she’d take the time and explain every step to me and tell me exactly what to get at the store. That’s so generous. I hope she is dancing and singing with her wonderful Henry and all of her family and friends who left before her. Isn’t she so beautiful?

Another event that has happened in this new year that is especially relevant to the point of this blog is to do with arthritis, believe it or not. This is a topic that I hope to pick up in some depth in the coming months or years. Arthritis doesn’t go away, after all, but more is something to tend to, know about, live in accordance with, and adapt to. In short, I have osteoarthritis which often invites statements like, “well, you’re getting older, and aches and pains are part of it” or “that’s just normal aging”, even from doctors. I have to say I’ve found this entirely unsatisfying. I’ve noticed over the last few years a significant shift in how osteoarthritis in my fingers and hands is affecting my ability to do things that are important to me, namely weaving and teaching weaving.

The way arthritis has been affecting me for the last couple of years is in pain, bending of fingers, and the development of cysts that are doing their best to respond to the impacts of bone spurs that are doing their best to deal with the fact that there’s nothing in between certain of my finger joints. These cysts can often be ignored but one of mine went rogue and became an ongoing issue in September, resulting in the need to have them surgically removed. I had this minor surgery just over two weeks ago and am continuing to heal. Today I was able to tie my shoes using my healing fingers, which felt like a big deal.

What’s the point of sharing all this? Well, I know there are a lot of artists and crafters out there who have arthritis. And I am learning very deeply what it is like to have a physical condition that affects what you can do, how you feel about yourself and your future, and that simply hurts sometimes. As I climb out of feeling really bogged down by the discomfort of post-surgical healing, I realize that I want to move into this space of learning more deeply. I want to know how to better care for myself so that I can keep doing things that I love. I also want to learn more about how to help others do the same, no matter what condition they are dealing with.

I didn’t realize how much I loved weaving until I couldn’t weave. I didn’t realize how much I loved teaching until I thought I might not be able to. I didn’t realize how many people were out there, wanting to make, create, express, and share their light with the world who for one reason or another can’t or don’t know how to modify things in a way that allows them to keep at it. To put it simply, going through all this has cracked my heart open even more. Just like grief has.

Soon I’ll write about some projects I was able to finish before the surgery and talk about some other things I’m working on and thinking about. Until then, I’d love to hear from you if you are managing a condition that has affected or affects how you create and express yourself. Who knows- maybe a larger conversation can start where others can find support and new ideas when they are struggling.

p.s. I found this website about arthritis really helpful.

The Long Grief Journey


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Tapping Into Your Creativity to Tend to Loneliness

I heard a wonderful program on NPR this morning and just had to share it with you. I found myself nodding and smiling and feeling this wonderful sense of “Yes, Exactly”! as I listened. The segment is called: Feeling alone? 5 tips to create connection and combat loneliness and was on Morning Edition. It features Dr. Jeremy Nobel, who founded the Foundation for Art and Healing decades ago and wrote the book entitled Project UnLonely. I’d never heard of it and am so grateful to know about it now. Here’s the link to the episode. I hope you enjoy it as much as I did!

Photo by Karolina Grabowska on Pexels.com