One of the classes I teach at the Shelburne Craft School is called Weaving Your Story. The chance to meld my love of weaving with my passions for healing, growth and creativity has been a true boon in my life. The program is fully grant funded by grantors and an anonymous donor making it cost free for participants. The Vermont Arts Council, being a grantor and a great supporter of the program, recently interviewed me to talk about Weaving Your Story and I wanted to share the article with you here. It captures so much of what the class is about and how I feel about it!
In case you are wondering how weaving and creative expression can be healing, I think the conversation gets at it well. Enjoy!
We are ten days into this month and I wanted to share an update on how I’ve been doing with the Summoning Creativity intention, which is to engage with your creativity every day. First, I’ll just give you the run down.
August 1: I feel like this was a bit of a cheat because I had the opportunity to visit the Museum of Modern Art in New York City. I specifically went to see the Woven Histories exhibit, which was incredible, inspiring, tear-inducing… but we also checked out a lot of the permanent collection which knocked my psyche into a great space. I was also reminded of how much I love the work of Marc Chagall. Once back at home at my family’s house, I did a quick sketch inspired by a piece from the Woven Histories exhibit entitled Composition 9 by Manolo Millares.
August 2: while on a walk in the town I spent a lot of my childhood, I gathered some leaves that caught my attention. I either was drawn to their shape or to their colors. Once back at the house, I looked them up to see what tree they belonged to and took some notes. Sassafras, Pin Oak, Big Tooth Aspen, and some kind of Hickory were of special focus.
Captured with VisionCamera by mrousavyCaptured with VisionCamera by mrousavyCaptured with VisionCamera by mrousavyCaptured with VisionCamera by mrousavyCaptured with VisionCamera by mrousavy
August 3: On this day, my daughter and I drove from my family’s home in NJ where we were visiting to Asbury Park which is on the Jersey Shore. Driving in NJ elicits a unique kind of stress in my mind and body, so just making that trip felt like a feat that involved mental creativity. BUT, once there, we made it to the beach for a bit, swam, and I let myself succumb to the relaxing and beautiful sounds of the ocean waves. Heavenly magic. I watched people and witnessed a most beautiful scene: two women helped an elderly woman down to the water. The elderly woman was wearing a long blue dress. Her hair was pinned up. She was beautiful. The two women on either side of her were holding each of her hands gently; they were in bathing suits. They stepped into the water, feet getting wet. Then a little deeper… ankles and calves… no worries about the woman’s dress getting wet. They moved slowly, patiently, lovingly. Deeper still and they were up to about mid-calf. They were getting splashed by waves, smiling. Her dress was completely wet. Other family members approached and stayed. It seemed like there were at least three, maybe four generations of family there. It was one of the most beautiful things I’ve ever seen. The picture here is cropped in such a way to respect the privacy of those in the scene.
August 4: On a walk with my daughter to the place we went for dinner, we got turned around and ended up on a little footbridge. I took a picture of the reflection, imagining a tapestry project idea and made sure to document it in my book.
August 5: on our last night in Asbury Park, we took in the scenes around us and marveled at the art, edginess, creativity and spooky feeling that abounds there. I didn’t do any journaling- taking in the ocean and the sights was satisfying enough.
August 6: I drove home to Vermont from the Jersey Shore, about a 6.5 hour drive, and stayed mostly calm through 4 hours of heavy traffic. That’s all I could muster.
August 7: I had to, rather quickly, make a fun project for an upcoming class at the Shelburne Craft School. My goal? Show how random we can be when weaving on a frame loom, and how we can just follow an urge or a whim to create something unique.
August 8: I sat on my porch in the evening and added a little bit to my little tapestry project. There’s no plan to this. I just want to make waves an swirls and swales, capturing my feelings about this summer. I didn’t have too much time to work on it but I got one more wave in (on the left) and the yellows.
August 9: Yesterday began with me trying to sort how I was going to spend my hours… I need to repair a sculpture at my studio and am longing to be there. But home was calling to me- I wanted to tend to it and be around my family. What began as some mild chores turned into cleaning windows, mopping floors, putting things away… I listened to music (I’ve been on a Rolling Stones kick lately) and took care of my space with a lot of time to be with my people. I came across started and then left, or half-finished art projects and did the next step on one of them: a while ago I took some loosely knitted linen material from a former project and molded it around a bowl with some hardening fixative. It’s been sitting and curing for months now. Yesterday I spray painted it gold. Next step will be to paint it with nuln oil. Can’t wait to see what it looks like when it’s finished.
August 10: Early this morning, I sat on my porch, listened to all the critters making their late summer sounds. I worked some more on my little tapestry, until it became too hot in the direct sun.
In these first ten days of this month’s Summoning Creativity intention, I’ve given myself a lot of space to be where I am and fully engage with whatever is happening. Sometimes I’ve actually gotten to make something or work on a project. Most times, I’ve been more of an observer/noticer of interesting, beautiful, lovely things or moments. One day, so much focus and energy went into driving safely that there was no energy left over to do anything else. What has been consistently true is that I have not had hours to spend on my own art. Life is busy with family, work, chores, and other engagements. Yet, I feel like I’ve been really tuned in to the part of myself that is creative and wants to create. I’m proving to myself that not having a lot of time in the studio doesn’t mean I can’t live in and experience my life artistically and creatively. Having this intention for the month is reminding me to tune in and do something… anything… to keep the flow going so when I do have more time, I can jump in with abandon.
Tell me about your creative practice! I love hearing how people approach their own artistry.
Just doing a little light reading because, you know…
Pretty much every sentence in Walia’s book is a powerhouse meal of critical information. I highly recommend it if you’re someone who is trying to find your way through this time in our shared history.
“We are told that immigration policy is about law and order, not racial exclusion in an allegedly post-racial society. But there is no objective fact of migrant illegality; as Catherine Dauvergne maintains, ‘Illegal migration is a product of migration law. Without legal prohibition, there is no illegality.’ While borders are hierarchically organized and permeable for white expats, a handpicked immigrant diaspora, and the rich investor class, they form a fortress against the millions in the “deportspora” who are shut out, immobilized, and expelled. The global turn toward deportation and detention as the central means of immigration enforcement is attendant to the rise of neoliberalism.”
That’s just in the Introduction…
What will our leaders do? What will we do?
“All men make mistakes, but a good man yields when he knows his course is wrong, and repairs the evil. The only crime is pride.” ~ Sophocles, Antigone
Because I’m getting ready to teach my first online class that involves a lot of videos. And, as I’ve been editing them, I’ve realized, wow, I really do say “ummmm” a whole lot. It’s such a good place holder for my mouth when I need to catch up with my thoughts, but not ideal to listen to! I’m very grateful for iMovie editing features!
I’m also extremely grateful for…
~ The chance to bring Weaving Your Story to more people~ this is a class I built, drawing together my passions from years of work and study, both as a therapist and as a weaver. I feel so strongly about what weaving offers to people, aesthetically, emotionally, in community.
~ The Shelburne Craft School, and especially its director, Heather Moore, who right out of the gate expressed interest in the way I use weaving in my work with people, and wondered if we might build a class around it. And that’s just what we did! Through that process, I’ve learned about writing grants and partnering with other organizations, while expanding my own skill set as I’ve offered this work to a larger group. I’ve also gotten to teach a dear friend and colleague, Ali Waltien, how to offer Weaving Your Story in her work. How amazing!
~ An anonymous donor who has made the class available to even more people.
~ Weaving Your Story participants who take the leap into weaving… well… their stories! This takes courage, patience, trust, and flexibility, and with every single group, I learn and grow.
~ My daughter who has been helping me learn how to make and edit videos, export, upload and put into the airwaves the online version of the class.
That all reads like an acceptance speech! Seriously though, I’d be remiss to talk about the Weaving Your Story classes without expressing all the gratitude I feel for those who have given so much to me, so there we are.
Now, back to editing my videos! If I can reduce my “ummmmms” by 75% or more, I think it’ll be okay.
Weave me a rope that will pull me through these impossible times.
I’m delighted to share that an article I was invited to work on with the director of the Shelburne Craft School, Heather Moore, has been published in the IMAG #18 periodical from InSEA publications. It’s called, “Who Cares How it Comes Out? Pinhole Camera as Teacher and Muse”. You can find it here! It was a marvelous process, working on such an important-to-me project. The more I think about creativity, the more I think it is an essential and critical part of being human and that it ought never be treated as an afterthought. We’ve, as a species, been articulating our ideas and inspirations for millennia. To be able to think and write about how the creative process fosters community, empathy, enthusiasm, and engagement was a real pleasure. I hope you like it!
The Shadow of America has burst forth, Hideous in full form, Visible to the world. Not for the first time, But still, this time too Is trying our souls. Many have known this Shadow. Those able to see have recognized it, Studied it, Preached, sung, written of it. Courageous vilified for naming it. Truth-sayers killed for challenging it, taking it to court. Those countless murdered by Shadow’s effects on humans in righteous denial, Their blood is on our hands, Fostering dis-ease until we ease ourselves into taking it on, this Shadow-illness That, when denied becomes more itself, Tyrannical. To know is to descend into darkness, Where ancient Destruction lives, With Her corpse wall hooks, And His poison. No wonder there is turning away. To face Shadow is the stuff of legend. Legend’s heroes have scars, every one, Valiantly earned, Skin debt paid in the quest towards light. The lid is blown off this American dream. Now we must, oh we must! Welcome the cracked open broken heart that comes with Shadow As it swirls and climbs, Snuffing out white-washed lies, Engorged on delicious ignorance, Creating and co-creating with light Something new. A new table where all have a place, Eyes looking into eyes, with recognition, sorrow, love. This time, And again, It is an invitation.
b. mccabe hansen
Notes:
“With Her corpse wall hooks”; references Ereshkigal, Mesopotamian goddess of death and the underworld who hangs sister/goddess Inanna on wall hooks; the myth of Inanna explores many themes, including the process of descending to darkness to face that which we have not seen or accepted within ourselves, claiming our cut-off parts.
References:
Inanna, Queen of Heaven and Earth: Her Stories and Hymns from Sumer, Diane Wolkstein & Samuel Noah Kramer
Descent to the Goddess: A Way of Initiation for Women, by Sylvia Brinton Perera
“And His poison”; references Phthonos, Greek spirit and embodiment of malicious envy.
“Is trying to our souls”: Reference to Thomas Paine’s American Crisis, December 23, 1776. Excerpt: “THESE are the times that try men’s souls. The summer soldier and the sunshine patriot will, in this crisis, shrink from the service of their country; but he that stands by it now, deserves the love and thanks of man and woman. Tyranny, like hell, is not easily conquered; yet we have this consolation with us, that the harder the conflict, the more glorious the triumph.”
Where to begin, I don’t know. There’s so much happening right now in our country (I live in the US) and in our world. Like many people I know, I’ve been working hard to find my bearings on ground that is rocking, shifting, cracking. It’s been disorienting and personally extraordinarily upsetting. The recklessness with which the potus and his posse are thrashing about in their positions of power, pushing themselves into spaces with no ounce of decorum or respect for people or institutions is profoundly disturbing on a level that’s been hard to assimilate on the daily. Damn near impossible. It’s also felt completely impossible to write about handcrafting on it’s own, as if my relationship with creativity is separate from my experience of being a human on the planet. So, I’m not going to try to separate these things from each other.
Most of us knitters, crocheters, weavers, know about sitting with a basket of tangled up balls and skeins of yarn. It’s a commitment to sit with the basket of threads, and calmly pull, disentangle, wrap, sort and save this most important ingredient for making. We don’t just throw away the yarn because it’s too hard to clean up. We commit to cleaning up the mess we created by not being mindful enough as we used our most prized resource.
This is where we are.
In no particular order, I’ll share some things I’ve been thinking about lately. Maybe these thoughts will resonate with you. Maybe you’ll disagree with some of them. Maybe all. That’s okay. We need to be able to engage in civil discourse to straighten up this tangled mess. I’ll love to hear about your thoughts, too, as you navigate this complex world we live in.
~ I think the way I feel now with the current administration in the White House is making me feel distress to a health impacting level, and this is something I’m addressing. I think this is how others have felt when democrats were in the presidential seat, and especially when dems had control of the House and Senate. This got me thinking about how terrible it is that our country is so divided and manipulated, that many of us feel distressed enough and unsafe enough when “the other side is in power” that we are driven to distraction. This has created such a powerful reality of othering that we, as a nation, are actually sick.
~ The current administration is masterful at othering. What do I mean by othering? Oxford dictionary defines “othering” as this: “to view or treat a person or group of people as intrinsically different or alien to oneself.” Humans do this all the time and in fact it is this brutal trait that has led to the worst atrocities in history. Othering lets humans hurt, use, humiliate, frighten, control, dominate, isolate, and destroy humans. All living things, in fact. When we are unconscious of the othering we do, we are swimming in the waters of destruction. When othering is paired with denial of our own darkness, we are legitimately dangerous. That is why it is so critically important to strive towards being a conscious human being, as honest with ourselves as we can possibly tolerate. When we can look at ourselves and see the truth of being human in all of its beauty and ugliness, we have far greater capacity to make reasoned choices that don’t assault another’s integrity. What we seem to be witnessing is othering paired with unconsciousness. This is a big problem. It is critical that we each do our own good thinking about how we want to treat people and how we would want to be treated if we were, for example, forced to migrate, needed medical care we couldn’t access because of government ideology, were suddenly terminated from our jobs, were punished for disagreeing with a person in power, were told we were safe and suddenly we weren’t. We have to think with our minds and our hearts. We have to dip our ladle in the well of empathy. We have to take ourselves out of us-and-them thinking, and move towards the profound and generative We.
~ We are in an abuse cycle with the current administration. When abusers have power over their victims, one of the things they do is separate them from their support structures through various means. Sometimes it’s literally through physical separation. Often it’s through relational manipulation and gaslighting. This is happening. We are actively getting separated from our world partners in ways that will have far reaching consequences. Being trapped in an abuse cycle can cause a person to lose touch with their own agency and personal power. It is very important to pay attention to your thoughts about your own agency. We all have choice, every moment of every day, around where we will put our energies and focus.
~ Pay attention to those who are in positions of power and are using them for good and are resisting the onslaught of action in the current administration. They are strong, courageous, and inspiring. I’ve been thinking a lot about the energy they will need to keep at it, and about how I might help support their efforts. How can we offer positive, encouraging energy to the folks who are looking out for all people from within their positions of power?
~ We don’t have to know the solutions to all the problems in order to have an opinion about them. This comes up a lot now and is simply a distraction. “Well, what would YOU do about immigration and the border”, for example. As if, by not having a fully vetted plan of action that is doable makes one’s opinion less valid. Don’t be silenced by that. There are countless intelligent people on this planet, all of whom bring different skills to the table, all of whom are capable of solving complex problems, especially when working together. You and I included! Do you need to know how to solve all the problems in order to view mass-deportations as intensely problematic, for example? No. Most of the issues we face as a culture are very complex and require evolution of the mind and psyche. We must continue to think creatively and from a conscious, curious, honest place. This is not being naive. It is being a participant in the artistry of life.
~ Self-care is massively important right now. I say this as someone who has been struggling. Despair started to get the best of me, but what I know is ultimately, that does nothing good. I know how to pick myself up by my bootstraps and that’s what I’m doing now. Writing here is one effort towards that end. Getting clear on my own thinking, focusing on areas I have agency over while learning about others I’ve not considered is another. I’m thinking about where I shop, what platforms I use, what organizations I want to support. I’m learning. I’m cutting out the chaff. I’m also doing things I love, like spending time with people dear to me, weaving, creating, teaching. I’m resting, getting outside more, and trying to focus on what is right in front of me. I’m reaching out for support and guidance from my mentors and guides, and they are helping me, too. A great deal. We are not meant to go life alone.
We create while living within and as a part of. We are not islands, and we are not separate. We are part of this whole thing, this whole story. It’s incredible and amazing and often overwhelming. We can only keep coming back to our center, by really asking ourselves what is most essential to us, as human beings, about being human?
I heard a wonderful program on NPR this morning and just had to share it with you. I found myself nodding and smiling and feeling this wonderful sense of “Yes, Exactly”! as I listened. The segment is called: Feeling alone? 5 tips to create connection and combat loneliness and was on Morning Edition. It features Dr. Jeremy Nobel, who founded the Foundation for Art and Healing decades ago and wrote the book entitled Project UnLonely. I’d never heard of it and am so grateful to know about it now. Here’s the link to the episode. I hope you enjoy it as much as I did!
How often have you heard this refrain, or uttered it yourself when you’ve just wanted to put a pause on having new information or issues to respond to? I’ve been thinking about our relationship with normal. It’s like a thick, strong, orienting rope that runs through a life and culture, and where we are in relation to it is always up for evaluation. We talk about physical health in terms of normal. Behavior, psychological functioning, intelligence, too. And then there’s the social norms that dictate so much of how our school years and work and social lives go. Oh, and then there’s what many pay attention to as parents when kids are going through developmental milestones. Music, weather, animal behavior, family functioning are all up for grabs in the context of normal comparisons. Really, is there any part of life that is not subject to an almost immediate assessment of how it does or does not relate to normal?
Such a bland word that elicits a broad range of reactions from people packs quite a punch and I think it’s worth looking into a little bit.
From Merriam-Webster, normal means: “conforming to a type, standard, or regular pattern : characterized by that which is considered usual, typical, or routine; according with, constituting, or not deviating from a norm, rule, procedure, or principle; approximating the statistical average or norm occurring naturally; generally free from physical or mental impairment or dysfunction : exhibiting or marked by healthy or sound functioning; not exhibiting defect or irregularity; within a range considered safe, healthy, or optimal.”
Like any concept, it’s the case that normal is not all one thing. It is not all good, and it’s not all bad. What’s good about normal? Why do we need it and rely on it so much? Seems to me like the opposite of normal is chaos, and chaos is, taken in extreme form, the primordial ooze from which all things began. It’s unpredictable, unstable, volatile and confused. It’s the seat of creation and true creativity. It erupts and changes things. It can be exciting. It can be terrifying. It’s necessary and feared.
Chaos knocks things into a new trajectory, but then guess what? An ordering principal takes over and helps the effects of chaos fall into a pattern. Patterns are stable and predictable. They can be known and understood, unlike their birth mother, Chaos. This must happen. I suppose that normal lives in patterns and normal dies in chaos. Chaos and Normal dance and work together to keep things moving. They are both necessary.
In life, people can deviate from the mean of normal in either direction. Further away from this mean is when we start to experience some things that are different from what everyone hanging out in the middle are experiencing. Bowing at the altar of normal can stifle the emergence of any new or unexpected material in an evolving system. This leads to the death or oppression of anything that is novel, creative, and life giving. Yet, diving full-bore into the waters of chaos and staying there for too long can mean that nothing is able to materialize into creative expression. It takes discipline to make creative energy bear fruit, and discipline does not live in chaos.
You can see the tension here. This is some dynamic stuff.
But here’s the rub as I see it: We do a miserable job as a culture allowing ourselves and others to be changed by what happens to us. Let’s take the pandemic. Rest assured, the amount of times I’ve longed for things to go back to normal cannot be counted. But even with less restrictions and people getting back to life as it was before, it’s not “back to normal”. We are changed and we will never be, as a whole, like we were before. The pandemic was a long-term, slow motion perturbation to our system which created chaos and confusion. We are still experiencing the natural inclination of a system finding its new orbit around this new reality, yet I see more and more a distancing from viewing it this way. I am longing for a greater dialogue about how we are changed and what that means not from the point of view that we have to get back to where we were, but more that we need to understand more fully where we are.
Where are we? I’m not the same. Are you?
I think the urge to get back to normal when the landscape that existed before doesn’t exist anymore causes tremendous pain and anxiety. We can’t go back to something that doesn’t exist anymore. But we can try to more fully understand where we are.
This is true after someone we love dies.
This is true after having a baby.
This is true after falling in love or breaking up.
This true when childrens’ parents separate.
This is true after losing a job or relocating to a new place for a job.
This is true after receiving a life changing diagnosis.
This is true after war, natural disasters, or exposure to and experience of violence.
This is true after experiencing a spiritual awakening.
Can we let ourselves be changed without judging it, hiding it, or stunting it? Can we let ourselves just be with what is true and talk about it all, and let others talk without pulling the “normal” card out of our back pocket? Life systems naturally organize themselves into new, mostly stable patterns. We can trust that this will happen, so we can relax and be more gentle on ourselves and each other and not force the issue. It’s okay if your best friend seems different now and doesn’t want to do the same things they did before. Be curious about it instead of judging it. It’s okay if you look different after grief. Look at yourself and be curious and loving and notice the hard earned scars of living a life that is filled with so many things. It’s okay if something big or little shifts in your psyche and you find a new and unexpected road to walk down. Check it out and see what’s there. It became visible because something changed.
Take the pressure of “getting back to normal” off yourself because, that normal? It’s gone. There’s a new normal to explore and it’s got a whole lot of new terrain for us to get to know.
I’m having a moment of just sitting for a bit and wanted to document here in this special place to me all of what is happening in my own little sliver of life that is housed in the much bigger picture. But first, I have to send out a deepest call of love to all of those in Turkey and Syria whose world literally just opened up beneath them, creating chasms of pain, fissures of searing heartache, and images of the most incredible grief, courage, love, determination, and exhaustion one can see. Nothing seems all that relevant in the face of that except love. It’s really the only thing that matters at the end of the day.
Healing Handcrafting 