In my space circling around materials and ideas I found my great-grandparents Not all but some, And then it started. Do you like this color? Did you have this flower in your garden That was in the back of your little house Where you made my brother and me The most delicious hamburgers In a frying pan, with butter and salt? I remember you and your dear love. Mom told me you held hands when you slept at night. And you, great-grandmother I never met, Whose teacups I have but am not graceful enough to use. Maybe you know I’d slug the coffee that could fit in that dainty piece of porcelain in one gulp, Apologies. I feel loved by you and can feel you through the veil. I’m glad we got to play.
Klara and Friedrich Behind a VeilVirginia Behind a Veil
Because I’m getting ready to teach my first online class that involves a lot of videos. And, as I’ve been editing them, I’ve realized, wow, I really do say “ummmm” a whole lot. It’s such a good place holder for my mouth when I need to catch up with my thoughts, but not ideal to listen to! I’m very grateful for iMovie editing features!
I’m also extremely grateful for…
~ The chance to bring Weaving Your Story to more people~ this is a class I built, drawing together my passions from years of work and study, both as a therapist and as a weaver. I feel so strongly about what weaving offers to people, aesthetically, emotionally, in community.
~ The Shelburne Craft School, and especially its director, Heather Moore, who right out of the gate expressed interest in the way I use weaving in my work with people, and wondered if we might build a class around it. And that’s just what we did! Through that process, I’ve learned about writing grants and partnering with other organizations, while expanding my own skill set as I’ve offered this work to a larger group. I’ve also gotten to teach a dear friend and colleague, Ali Waltien, how to offer Weaving Your Story in her work. How amazing!
~ An anonymous donor who has made the class available to even more people.
~ Weaving Your Story participants who take the leap into weaving… well… their stories! This takes courage, patience, trust, and flexibility, and with every single group, I learn and grow.
~ My daughter who has been helping me learn how to make and edit videos, export, upload and put into the airwaves the online version of the class.
That all reads like an acceptance speech! Seriously though, I’d be remiss to talk about the Weaving Your Story classes without expressing all the gratitude I feel for those who have given so much to me, so there we are.
Now, back to editing my videos! If I can reduce my “ummmmms” by 75% or more, I think it’ll be okay.
Weave me a rope that will pull me through these impossible times.
I’m delighted to share that an article I was invited to work on with the director of the Shelburne Craft School, Heather Moore, has been published in the IMAG #18 periodical from InSEA publications. It’s called, “Who Cares How it Comes Out? Pinhole Camera as Teacher and Muse”. You can find it here! It was a marvelous process, working on such an important-to-me project. The more I think about creativity, the more I think it is an essential and critical part of being human and that it ought never be treated as an afterthought. We’ve, as a species, been articulating our ideas and inspirations for millennia. To be able to think and write about how the creative process fosters community, empathy, enthusiasm, and engagement was a real pleasure. I hope you like it!
For one of the classes I teach, I gather quotes that capture the symbolism of weaving and how it describes so much of our experience of life. I’d love to start sharing what I find here.
We all belong to the same beautiful tapestry of existence, and our lives are all woven together to create the magical experience of life. None of us are alone, or solitary, or unimportant- we’re all part of something that is vastly bigger than ourselves but, at the same time, comprises each of our individual energies. We are forever interconnected, and these connections are more awe inspiring and more powerful than we can even fathom.
I haven’t been able to weave lately because of a back/neck injury I sustained one month ago tomorrow. As I’ve worked to get back in touch with my body and what it’s communicating to me (if only I’d listen!), I’ve been thinking a lot my looms and which one will be my entryway back into weaving.
I think for the sake of my back, I’ll start weaving again on this wonderful one from Lost Pond Looms. I am planning on using this loom in both my Introduction to Tapestry Weaving Classes and Wild Weaving classes, as we phase out the ones we have been using. I like this loom because it is super strong and allows for different warp spacing. I also love that we are buying it directly from the person who makes them, and he’s from the next state over in NY.
So, taking it slow, and learning ever more to listen to the language of my body and woven form itself. And in the meantime, I’m circling my weaving tools, thinking about what they will hold soon, and looking forward to picking up my yarn again.
The Shadow of America has burst forth, Hideous in full form, Visible to the world. Not for the first time, But still, this time too Is trying our souls. Many have known this Shadow. Those able to see have recognized it, Studied it, Preached, sung, written of it. Courageous vilified for naming it. Truth-sayers killed for challenging it, taking it to court. Those countless murdered by Shadow’s effects on humans in righteous denial, Their blood is on our hands, Fostering dis-ease until we ease ourselves into taking it on, this Shadow-illness That, when denied becomes more itself, Tyrannical. To know is to descend into darkness, Where ancient Destruction lives, With Her corpse wall hooks, And His poison. No wonder there is turning away. To face Shadow is the stuff of legend. Legend’s heroes have scars, every one, Valiantly earned, Skin debt paid in the quest towards light. The lid is blown off this American dream. Now we must, oh we must! Welcome the cracked open broken heart that comes with Shadow As it swirls and climbs, Snuffing out white-washed lies, Engorged on delicious ignorance, Creating and co-creating with light Something new. A new table where all have a place, Eyes looking into eyes, with recognition, sorrow, love. This time, And again, It is an invitation.
b. mccabe hansen
Notes:
“With Her corpse wall hooks”; references Ereshkigal, Mesopotamian goddess of death and the underworld who hangs sister/goddess Inanna on wall hooks; the myth of Inanna explores many themes, including the process of descending to darkness to face that which we have not seen or accepted within ourselves, claiming our cut-off parts.
References:
Inanna, Queen of Heaven and Earth: Her Stories and Hymns from Sumer, Diane Wolkstein & Samuel Noah Kramer
Descent to the Goddess: A Way of Initiation for Women, by Sylvia Brinton Perera
“And His poison”; references Phthonos, Greek spirit and embodiment of malicious envy.
“Is trying to our souls”: Reference to Thomas Paine’s American Crisis, December 23, 1776. Excerpt: “THESE are the times that try men’s souls. The summer soldier and the sunshine patriot will, in this crisis, shrink from the service of their country; but he that stands by it now, deserves the love and thanks of man and woman. Tyranny, like hell, is not easily conquered; yet we have this consolation with us, that the harder the conflict, the more glorious the triumph.”
I spend a lot of time thinking about how we become more of ourselves in the way that Murray Bowen defined as differentiation. Simply put, differentiation is about how well we can hold on to our own thinking, even in the face of group pressure, others’ reactivity, and our own anxiety that arises in relation to these things. The better we are at regulating ourselves, the more flexible we are, and capable of maintaining equilibrium in a variety of circumstances. Conversely, the more anxious we are or become as a result of some emotional group process unfolding, the more we make decisions from a highly emotional place. Or, we find ourselves fully swimming in the waters of emotional process, and our decisions cannot be distinguished from those of the group.
Efforts to define self at any given time are the building blocks that help us develop a more differentiated stance in the world (and therefore less fused with the intensity of whatever system we are within). Checking in on, and keeping track of, what we think on any given topic is one way of doing this. For example, as I raise my kids, who are both teenagers now, I can defer to others and find out what they say is the right way to raise a kid and follow their prescription for how to do it, or I can think something like, “what is important to me as I parent my children through their teens, and how do I view my role in their journey towards adulthood?” And I think on it. And I answer the questions. Some of my answers might be informed by information I garner from people whose opinions I value. But first, they are run through the filter of my intellect. What do I think about what they think?
I’d love to say that I am able to do this all the time, but news flash: I’m a reactive person who’s been working on myself for years, and my success rate of defining my own thinking to myself before reacting to something is… well… it depends on the circumstances!
Anyway, this is where the bridge to my thinking on creativity appears on the map of my journey in this life. I think that by tending to our own creativity, we are greasing the gears of differentiation.
Here’s why:
Creativity involves having the spark of an idea. Anything new, innovative, functional, delicious, beautifully made or arranged, etc., happened because someone, somewhere, had an idea. And it didn’t end there. The idea became an action. “What if I do this?” became… “Check this out!” Suddenly, we had sculpted pots to hold things, woven or sewn materials to warm, adorn, protect, sail, contain, and tools to carve, cut, and shape… that spark of an idea is the seed of all that we have, for better or worse.
I see micro-expressions of this very thing in my own creative practice and in the conversations I have with other makers. As a weaver, I must make so many little choices, so many nuanced moves, adjustments, decisions. Each one is an articulation of an idea, an opinion, a preference. And while I learn from incredible teachers, like Rebecca Mezoff and Elizabeth Buckley, I also have to assimilate their teachings into my own mind and decision-making process. I think that when we have these opportunities in our lives to articulate choice and preference, we have ever more chance to articulate ourselves back to ourselves and to others! It’s amazing.
Why is this important? Because we all need to be doing our best thinking. Really, we should be trying to do this all the time, but especially if we are living in places that are in turmoil. The likelihood of losing track of our own critical thinking and judgment in the face of high intensity societal emotional process is increased. The more we are aware of this, the more we can keep our hands on the steering wheel of our own decisions, lives, and futures.
The more we know our own minds and tend to the sparks of our ideas, the more engaged we will be as a whole self.
And, the more of a whole self we are, the more choice we will have.
Where to begin, I don’t know. There’s so much happening right now in our country (I live in the US) and in our world. Like many people I know, I’ve been working hard to find my bearings on ground that is rocking, shifting, cracking. It’s been disorienting and personally extraordinarily upsetting. The recklessness with which the potus and his posse are thrashing about in their positions of power, pushing themselves into spaces with no ounce of decorum or respect for people or institutions is profoundly disturbing on a level that’s been hard to assimilate on the daily. Damn near impossible. It’s also felt completely impossible to write about handcrafting on it’s own, as if my relationship with creativity is separate from my experience of being a human on the planet. So, I’m not going to try to separate these things from each other.
Most of us knitters, crocheters, weavers, know about sitting with a basket of tangled up balls and skeins of yarn. It’s a commitment to sit with the basket of threads, and calmly pull, disentangle, wrap, sort and save this most important ingredient for making. We don’t just throw away the yarn because it’s too hard to clean up. We commit to cleaning up the mess we created by not being mindful enough as we used our most prized resource.
This is where we are.
In no particular order, I’ll share some things I’ve been thinking about lately. Maybe these thoughts will resonate with you. Maybe you’ll disagree with some of them. Maybe all. That’s okay. We need to be able to engage in civil discourse to straighten up this tangled mess. I’ll love to hear about your thoughts, too, as you navigate this complex world we live in.
~ I think the way I feel now with the current administration in the White House is making me feel distress to a health impacting level, and this is something I’m addressing. I think this is how others have felt when democrats were in the presidential seat, and especially when dems had control of the House and Senate. This got me thinking about how terrible it is that our country is so divided and manipulated, that many of us feel distressed enough and unsafe enough when “the other side is in power” that we are driven to distraction. This has created such a powerful reality of othering that we, as a nation, are actually sick.
~ The current administration is masterful at othering. What do I mean by othering? Oxford dictionary defines “othering” as this: “to view or treat a person or group of people as intrinsically different or alien to oneself.” Humans do this all the time and in fact it is this brutal trait that has led to the worst atrocities in history. Othering lets humans hurt, use, humiliate, frighten, control, dominate, isolate, and destroy humans. All living things, in fact. When we are unconscious of the othering we do, we are swimming in the waters of destruction. When othering is paired with denial of our own darkness, we are legitimately dangerous. That is why it is so critically important to strive towards being a conscious human being, as honest with ourselves as we can possibly tolerate. When we can look at ourselves and see the truth of being human in all of its beauty and ugliness, we have far greater capacity to make reasoned choices that don’t assault another’s integrity. What we seem to be witnessing is othering paired with unconsciousness. This is a big problem. It is critical that we each do our own good thinking about how we want to treat people and how we would want to be treated if we were, for example, forced to migrate, needed medical care we couldn’t access because of government ideology, were suddenly terminated from our jobs, were punished for disagreeing with a person in power, were told we were safe and suddenly we weren’t. We have to think with our minds and our hearts. We have to dip our ladle in the well of empathy. We have to take ourselves out of us-and-them thinking, and move towards the profound and generative We.
~ We are in an abuse cycle with the current administration. When abusers have power over their victims, one of the things they do is separate them from their support structures through various means. Sometimes it’s literally through physical separation. Often it’s through relational manipulation and gaslighting. This is happening. We are actively getting separated from our world partners in ways that will have far reaching consequences. Being trapped in an abuse cycle can cause a person to lose touch with their own agency and personal power. It is very important to pay attention to your thoughts about your own agency. We all have choice, every moment of every day, around where we will put our energies and focus.
~ Pay attention to those who are in positions of power and are using them for good and are resisting the onslaught of action in the current administration. They are strong, courageous, and inspiring. I’ve been thinking a lot about the energy they will need to keep at it, and about how I might help support their efforts. How can we offer positive, encouraging energy to the folks who are looking out for all people from within their positions of power?
~ We don’t have to know the solutions to all the problems in order to have an opinion about them. This comes up a lot now and is simply a distraction. “Well, what would YOU do about immigration and the border”, for example. As if, by not having a fully vetted plan of action that is doable makes one’s opinion less valid. Don’t be silenced by that. There are countless intelligent people on this planet, all of whom bring different skills to the table, all of whom are capable of solving complex problems, especially when working together. You and I included! Do you need to know how to solve all the problems in order to view mass-deportations as intensely problematic, for example? No. Most of the issues we face as a culture are very complex and require evolution of the mind and psyche. We must continue to think creatively and from a conscious, curious, honest place. This is not being naive. It is being a participant in the artistry of life.
~ Self-care is massively important right now. I say this as someone who has been struggling. Despair started to get the best of me, but what I know is ultimately, that does nothing good. I know how to pick myself up by my bootstraps and that’s what I’m doing now. Writing here is one effort towards that end. Getting clear on my own thinking, focusing on areas I have agency over while learning about others I’ve not considered is another. I’m thinking about where I shop, what platforms I use, what organizations I want to support. I’m learning. I’m cutting out the chaff. I’m also doing things I love, like spending time with people dear to me, weaving, creating, teaching. I’m resting, getting outside more, and trying to focus on what is right in front of me. I’m reaching out for support and guidance from my mentors and guides, and they are helping me, too. A great deal. We are not meant to go life alone.
We create while living within and as a part of. We are not islands, and we are not separate. We are part of this whole thing, this whole story. It’s incredible and amazing and often overwhelming. We can only keep coming back to our center, by really asking ourselves what is most essential to us, as human beings, about being human?
A friend of mine mentioned the other day that I hadn’t written here in a bit. She’s known me long enough to recognize a pattern of mine which is that I do a pretty full retreat from online things when there’s something I’m sorting out. I got to talk about the things that I’ve been chewing on, and she listened. She also said she missed seeing what I’m up to when it comes to making things. This was a beautiful nudge. Very well-rounded.
Grief, as you likely already know, takes its toll on people. As someone who’s written a lot about grief, a whole book in fact, you’d think maybe I’d know some tricks on how to navigate the experience with greater ease. But I’m here to tell you, there are no easy ways through the process. In all my writing, talking, supporting, and expressing, never once do I suggest there is a “get-through-grief-the-easy-way” option. It is simply something we must go through, feel, adapt to, and be chiseled by. Ultimately, we are charged with getting to know ourselves and others in our new form, as someone changed by what we’ve experienced.
I’ve noticed about myself that when I’m swimming in the grief waters, I need to take some steps back from those things that put me out there into the world. Certain aspects of grief make me feel like I’m a flipped over turtle, and the last thing I need in those circumstances is to feel more vulnerable during those times.
As we approach the year anniversary of when my dad died, we are also making our way through cold winter here in Vermont. In a few days, it will be February 1, Imbolc, which marks the halfway point between the Winter Solstice and the Spring Equinox. This is when, in the Northern Hemisphere, the light starts to shift and come back. Many are thinking about the seeds they’re going to start indoors in preparation for the spring plantings. The goddess Brigid is honored in her many forms. We are invited to clean our houses, set our intentions, and think about what we want to bring into fruition in the coming growing cycles.
sun snow…
I will be honoring both of these events. I feel ready for the light to come back after relishing resting in the dark.
Creative life has been full all these months. I’ve been teaching at the Shelburne Craft School, a place that has truly become a home away from home. I also have spent time with folks in my studio, supporting their weaving journey. I’m taking a tapestry weaving class with Elizabeth Buckley, all about weaving water. I am learning so much!
my first attempt to weave reflections in water… not easy, my friends. I have a ways to go, but I’m loving the class.
I have a lot of little projects going on as well, including a new daily weaving practice that has absolutely no plan, so we’ll see how it goes.
Oh, and I made some block prints…
I’m creating things for a new class I’ll be offering called Wild Weaving, where we get to blast out our creativity and impulses into the embrace of a waiting warp.
And, I’m developing an online class as part of our Weaving Your Story programming through the craft school. This is a curriculum I’ve been developing for a couple of years and has become a very important part of my life.
All amazing work to get to be doing!
I still need to finish weaving some towels so I can get started on a new installation idea that won’t let go of my imagination. That is a project I’ll be planting seeds for soon, in hopes that it will be born over the summer months. You heard it here first! It’s got ties to this piece that was in a show in South Burlington last year.
Creative energy builds when we learn how to rest in the ways we need.
That’s it for now. Thank you, dear friend, for asking for an update.
Healing Handcrafting 